As Valentine’s Day approaches…I’m giving out some free advice for the ‘fellas’ out there. …a few lessons in love from a guy who knows what NOT to do. I mean, really knows what NOT to do. Here we go:
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do:
Um, guys, try not to break up on Valentine’s Day. This may seem like a no-brainer. But in 8th grade, it’s exactly what I did. And I did it over the phone. I was a horrible little kid, honest. She was really a sweet girl, too. If she happens to be reading…I’m really, really sorry…and I hope you were able to move on. There. I feel better about myself already.
Actually, I really liked her and she was great…but my really good reason (ha) for breaking up was that I was broke. And it turns out, a lot of people DO break up right around now…and many list the pressure that comes with this holiday as a reason…which brings me to my next bit of advice…
Can’t Buy Me Love:
I’m guilty of busting out the credit card and going for the easy gifts “chocolate”, “jewelry”, “dinner”…but here’s the thing. When my wife and I were dating, we were both missionaries. Raising financial support means we didn’t have opportunities for extravagance. So, I was creative…I made a booklet for her, where I listed about 10 of my favorite qualities about her with some illustrations that I drew and water colored. For one, it forced me to focus on why it was I had fallen in love with her and therefore, it was very personal.
She still has that thing today…she highly values something that cost me probably $3.50…whereas some of the more ‘pricey’ gifts I’ve since given her…she probably can’t even name for you now. But that gift did take time and thought.
Now I realize, not all women are the same…I happened to luck out with Debbie. But with these tough economic times…you don’t have to go into crazy debt to show that girl of yours you love her. Even if you have cash to burn, do something creative that requires time and thought…I think you’ll find that gift will carry more meaning. And if you’re doing dinner, maybe don’t go out and be part of the throngs doing the same…make her dinner…HOWEVER:
If you don’t know me by now:
A long, long time ago…when I was a freshman in high school, me and a buddy of mine told our girlfriends we’d make dinner for them and watch a movie. Sounds pretty good, right? In their minds they’re thinking candlelight, a nice thought out meal, perhaps some tiramisu for dessert and tickets to a theater. My buddy knew this and thought it would be ‘HILARIOUS’ if instead we’d do it in the theme of a ‘kiddy birthday party’. You know what I mean? Paper plates with like “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” on them, Party Hats, Paper napkins, Plastic forks and spoons, punch, cheap grocery store cake…are you getting the picture here?
Now, I can’t put ALL the blame on my friend. Once he had the idea, I definitely ran with it…but he was older and should have known better. The faces on these two young women, when they walked through the door…I’ll never forget. Utter disappointment, anger, confusion…there was no talking during the meal. And I think my date left halfway through “lady and the tramp”. Yeah. Ouch. Lesson? Don’t listen to your friend. Do something SHE likes…find out her hobbies, interests, and just give them a little romantic twist.
You Can’t Hide Your Lying Eyes:
Ok, ok, this pic is a bit mean spirited…sorry ’bout that. moving on…
One lesson I learned early on is that most girls, when they tell you that they don’t care about this holiday, are totally lying. They may really actually believe that it’s silly and just unnecessary commercialism but they secretly want you to do something for them on that day. In high school I dated a girl who went to another school. We totally had this conversation about the day being dumb, so I didn’t get her a gift…thinking, “ha, look at all these chumps spending money…I’ve got the coolest girlfriend ever.” Turns out, she was even ‘cooler’ than I thought…
She arranged for someone to bring me a huge valentine’s day cookie to class with 20 balloons that said ‘I love you’ and a big gift wrapped with a huge bow. I had not gotten her ANYTHING. Are you surprised that relationship didn’t last? I didn’t think so. Now, there are some exceptions to this rule.
If the day falls real close to when you first start dating…like, you just started dating today on the 10th…then maybe a dozen roses and a big fuss isn’t really required…just something thoughtful, bro. You’ll be fine.
And… after you’ve been married 11 years or so…it does become less important to impress the other person…but still…you’ll never go wrong reminding your wife that she’s still got it…and that she rocks your proverbial world.
Well, I hope I’ve been as helpful as a Shamwow when you’ve spilled cola on your Snuggie…now, time to stop writing and start thinking about what I’m going to do for Debbie… Which reminds me guys,…plan ahead.
above the stratosphere: the circleslide blog 